Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Yea it has been long since I updated my blog.
Today went jogging with chingseng and Alarize. It has been long since I last ran and I really need some boost to get back my fitness again. After jogging, went to watched some strangers playing squash. They were such good players despite some of them reaching "uncle" age. It suddenly brought back to me those days of training in JC, after school training and coaching the juniors. Aww...
Emo abit coz suddenly felt alone. LIke being an outcast. Back home in lonely room with my laptop again. Just dont know how I may feel if all my friends leave me...
I think back of those times when my friends left me.
During secondary school days, there was this group of us who were quite close together. Two guys and two girls. I became the monitor and one of the girls became the monitress. Both of us could click well and that time I was quite interested in her. There was once when we were at jurong east interchange and while going home, she turned to me and said, "Can we be 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend'? Not those kind, but like friends who can really share...You know?"
I looked at her, quite stunned by what she mentioned and smiling deep within me, yelled "of course... why not!?" She was certainly someone whom caught my attention.
Some time passed, and I was as usual walking around the classroom disturbing the rest. One of the classmates' bags seemed to be open and I peeped in and managed to catch a glimpse of her "bread". Out of just pure cheekiness and playfulness, I then told the rest that this friend brought bread to school and some of us just laughed and joked over it. Little did I know that this angered her so much that she talked harsely to me outside the classroom. She was quite an ah lian and all i remember were the words, "Now I dont have face already and it is all your fault!"
SHe is actually the best friend of the girl whom I am interested in. The few days afterwards were just pure nonchalence and indifference from the very girl who wanted to be "girlfriend' and "boyfriend" with me. It hurt me alot but yet I knew I was in the wrong to tease her bestfriend in such a way. Later on, she even went ahead to plan for the teacher's day gift and celebration without getting me as the monitor involved. We drifted apart like nobody's business. Exams soon passed and we graduated. We didnt really talk after that and we went our separate ways. I went to jc while she went to poly. It still remained as one of my biggest regrets till now.
During JC days, i met this bunch of funloving people. One particular friend whom I had grown particularly close to became my best friend. We did stupid things together, went to play badminton during lessons, went out shopping after school and had lots of fun during the first three months in SAJC. He even invited me to his house and taught me how to play squash, which later on I managed to join squash in jjc and became the chair person. This was because of how I learnt to play from him in the first place. And also the squasherluo you all know today. He is also an artist, and drew a picture, his masterpiece for me as a souvenir. He was my best friend and we always stuck together.
When the O levels results came out, I was devasted. I couldnt stay in SAJC anymore and was posted to JJC. He also would be going away to AJC. As much as we said we could still keep in touch, I was very upset as we slowly have lesser and lesser contact due to school work and CCA in our respective JCs.
I became quite pessimistic in friendship after these two incidents and thought that friendships dont last. I even thought to myself that I am not going to have any best friends in life and that I should just be alone by myself. Such is the pessimism that I had and I became rather withdrawn and shy when it came to making friends and I always dont dare to get closer to others or open myself up for others to come in.
During army, I met another friend. We often write letters to each other talking about girls, army life, family etc. He was the 'old-school' kind of friend so our mode of communication was through letters. Yes, hand-written letters. We became very good friends and we could talk about anything under the sun. It was at that time when I became a believer. I was rather new in my faith and invited him randomly for a church event. It turned out that he was rather affected by it. Subsequent invitations by me seemed to sort of anger him more and more, much to my innocence, and I realised he became less fervent in replying to my letters. It came to a standstill after a few months and there was no more reply from him. I was hurt. Is that the price I have to pay? Just by inviting someone to church and that cost me a dear friend?
Subsequent bad experiences involve lending about $700 to a friend who ran away after I asked for him to return me. I had voluntarily helped him out knowing that he was in need of the money although we were not really very close that time. I didnt know our friendship was worth that much in his eyes.
My relationship with my ex was another story and it ended up in a very mismanaged broke up.
Therefore, after experiencing all these, it is of no doubt that friends and relationships are important to me. Much more after I became a Christian. I would do all that I can to help my friends and I really hope I can be a blessing around. In the mean time, I also know that people can take advantage of me and try and manipulate me like the one who ran away with my money. But between being suspicious of others and just being a pure friend to others, i chose the latter. It didnt matter to me as I began to know about how Christ is as a friend to me. How he sacrificed all for me and how He paid the price for my life. The focus on me began to pale in comparison with all He has done.
At the end of the day, no one can be compared to Christ. If only everyone can be more like Him, the world can be a better place to stay in. And more true friends can be found. =)